First big trial...

Tuesday morning JP got a message from American Family Theatre (who he's toured with before) asking if he would be willing to replace an actor for the rest of a tour...ASAP. Of course my initial gut response is "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!" But after that passed I knew he had to do it. It's miserable for an actor to not be acting. And we're always a little tight on money. So JP packed a suitcase and left on Wednesday. He won't be back until May 21. It happened so fast and I can't decide if it was better that way or not. It's something we've discussed and known could happen. I've tried to prepare for it and be ok with it. But it's not that easy.

Of course I cried a lot Tuesday night. But after a while my crying was just funny because I would stop and then if he said anything or tried to comfort me it would start all over again. And then I realized April marks our 1 yr anniversary and he would be gone (although he keeps saying we can make our anniversary a bunch of different dates, so does this really count? The anniversary we need to worry about will be our wedding anniversary anyway.) I did good Wednesday morning, but when I came home to an empty apartment, I didn't hold up as well. I was sick of crying so I fought it as much as possible by turning on Scrubs (it failed me - it was about romantic gestures and the end was sickeningly sweet with like 5 different couples being romantic), cleaning the apartment (I learned very quickly that entering the bedroom was a bad idea), and making dinner (which is not as fun to do alone).

Luckily, Carla is coming into town today. She'll be staying until Monday. This has been the plan all along so of course I told her JP said yes so that he could avoid her visit. ;-) It will be good to have some company on these rough first few days. And hopefully it won't be too hard on me when she leaves. And hopefully I won't ruin her trip by moping. Haha.

We did Skype for a little while once he got to his hotel. It was strange since the last time we did that was when he was up here in New York visiting his brother and auditioning and I was at home surrounded by family and friends. It was interesting to see how things have changed. Or to feel how things have changed. Back then when his face would pop up on my computer screen I felt a love for him that was brand new and I spent the whole time wondering where we were going and how I was realizing I couldn't live without him. Now when that video starts I feel such a deeper love. A love that I have for someone I know even better than I did before. My love for him has grown exponentially and I don't think I fully realized it until now. It still makes me excited to think about where we're going and I still realize every day that I can't live without him.

Anyway, blogging was apparently not the best idea either. It'll get better.

And so the countdown has begun. 57 days.